Along with communication problems, negative and insecure thoughts are also roots of broken relationships. While it’s crucial for both partners to listen to each other and to reflect on their partners’ ends, they also need to be open about any underlying thoughts they may be keeping to themselves. Although most issues need time to be resolved, the first step is to be aware of the way you think about your partner. As there are some thoughts that can destroy relationships. For example,
“They don’t love me anymore.”
It’s reasonable to worry when your significant other begins to invest less time into your relationship. But constantly asking for confirmation of their feelings can (cause) conflict. If you’re always asking, “do you really love me?” your partner may start to wonder if there is cause for concern. In fact, your concerns may turn into reality if your partner begins to feel overwhelmed by your constant need to validate your relationship. Instead of jumping to conclusions, communicate the feelings you have, and work together to become closer.
It’s toxic to believe your significant other should automatically know what you’re thinking. No one has the power to read minds. Thinking, “she should know how much it bothers me when she leaves my side at parties,” Or “he should know today’s important to me” isn’t very fair to your partner when you’ve never actually discussed these feelings with them. Instead of feeling disappointed, or pretending you’re okay, communicate your frustrations to your partner.
“It’s their fault.”
It’s easy to point fingers and blame the other person when you’re upset, but thinking “it’s his fault I’m having a bad day!” or “it’s her fault we’re in this mess!” will only worsen your relationship. Instead, try to take some responsibility for the situation. And, if you find that you upset your partner as well, make an apology. Which may in-turn influence them to apologize too. We can’t predict or control what happens in a relationship, but we can control how we react towards negative situations.
It’s not fair to your partner when you jump to conclusions about them that aren’t based on real evidence. Such as assuming they’re having an affair when they come home late from work. Even though they tell you it’s because they had to work overtime. It’s important to see your significant other for who they are and learn not to blow little things out of proportion.
Less than perfect
When you start to compare your significant other to your ideal partner, you’re placing unrealistic expectations on them. Even comparing them to your friend’s partner or your old partner can be harmful. It’s important to respect who your current partner is, and understand that they’re not perfect. If there’s qualities or traits you admire in someone else, just let your partner know what they did and find out if it’s something they’re willing to change.
Sometimes on bad days, you mind find yourself fantasizing what it would be like to be with someone else. If you frequently have these thoughts, you’ll prioritize those possibilities over your current relationship. Relationships aren’t smooth or easy and changing partners won’t prevent you from experiencing similar conflicts in your new relationship. Remember, there’s a difference between a relationship that will never work out and a relationship that could grow with extra effort.
All or nothing.
You might see your partner as someone who can do no right or no wrong, thinking they can always or never make you happy. To make sure you’re not having such extreme thoughts, establish a safe, stable ground that the two of you can exist on. Learn to take in your partner’s mistakes, failures and accomplishments in moderation, without seeing those elements as all-defining. It’ll prevent you from putting your partner on a pedestal, or only focusing on negative traits.
Label-slinging occurs when you generalize who your partner is. For example, you might call your partner lazy for leaving a few dishes around. Although it’s common to see the worst of your partners on bad days, if you’re constantly labelling them, it becomes harder for you to focus on their positive sides and prevents you from helping them grow out of bad habits. They may even feel as though they’ll only ever amount to that label, letting little room for improvement.
Playing head games.
If power struggles start to affect you, you may have thoughts about trying to out-smart your partner or gain the upper hand in the relationship. You’ll believe your partner has ulterior motives, and try to gain a favor from you. Although power struggles usually only come after the initial stages of romance and attraction, they need to be overcome in order for a relationship to grow and last. You must relinquish your desire for power and drive for real happiness.
“What happened to us?”
Married couples often think this, as their relationship changes over time. It’s normal to reminisce, but try not to look back. Couples often forget that there’s more to look forward to when they think their relationship won’t be as exciting in the future, robbing the relationship of its’ full potential. Relationships are constantly evolving, but that doesn’t mean they can’t be as exciting as they were in the beginning.
And those are ten thoughts that couples potentially run into in a relationship.
Have you experienced any of them in one of your relationships? What do you think we can do to overcome them?
Preview photo credit Psych2Go