People often get confused about what over dependency really is. It is perfectly natural and healthy to want to be in a loving relationship with someone. You are dependent on their love and they are dependent on theirs.
There are a lot of couples where one of the partners works to earn money while the other stays at home and takes care of the children. This is fine too as long as both partners have an equal say in the relationship and a level of independence to pursue their own goals and dreams.
What is not healthy is being overly dependent on someone, or even a group of people, for your happiness and contentment. If you feel obliged to spend all of your time and energy making someone else happy so that you can be happy then this is not a healthy situation.
A lot of people in this situation become obsessed about the thoughts that others have of them. They are constantly trying to please another person in order to have peace of mind. Before long this can really spiral out of control and you can find yourself overly dependent on another individual.
So if you are in this situation just how do you get out of it? Well you can get out of it but it will take some time and effort on your part. Here are some recommended ways that you can use to gradually free yourself from over dependence.
Improve your Self Worth
Depending on others for your happiness is usually a sign that a person’s self worth is very low. Nobody should have to be dependent on someone else to feel happy and alive. By increasing your self worth you will gradually alleviate the need for this dependency.
Think about what you have achieved in your life so far so that you can identify your strengths. People with low self worth often say that they do not have any strengths but this is not true at all.
If you are influenced too much by what others think then you may have even developed skills just to please them. These skills do nothing for your self worth or independence. So think about what you have achieved for you in your life and reflect on these to give you a boost.
Look for Happiness within rather than outside
A lot of people are conditioned to believe that they can only be happy if they only have certain things around them – which includes people. For some, having a lot of possessions is the key to happiness.
But all of these things are really doing is filling a hole in your life. It is better to look for happiness within yourself. That way if you lost everything tomorrow you can still be happy. Consider meditation as an effective way to do this. Try this Meditation 101: How To Sit Still And Like It!
Be at ease with yourself
How do you feel about spending time alone? Does this make you uncomfortable? Everyone should be at ease spending time alone. If you have a problem with this then you need to deliberately find ways to be on your own and become more comfortable with this.
Take Responsibility for your Life
To lessen your dependency on others you need to take responsibility for your life. Tell yourself that you are responsible for your happiness and how your life will pan out in the future. Set yourself some goals and do things your way.
People who aren’t sure about how to look after themselves emotionally are more likely to reach out for someone else to do it for them. But no matter how good someone makes you feel, it’s still a good idea to develop and preserve as much emotional self-reliance as you can rather than relying too much on them.